Nick Benotto

A blog by Nick Benotto’s mom

Hi everyone. Today I am posting a blog that my mom wrote on her Medium site. I’ve gotten her approval to do this and I hope you enjoy it. Here it is.

My son, Nicholas Benotto, and I recently had a discussion around the topic of Sunday dinner. Nick and his girlfriend, Ana, routinely come to our house for a Sunday midday dinner. Often we are joined by other family members or close friends. It was an interesting discussion and I thought I would share some points with you that were part of our talk.

Promotes better communication and closeness between generations

It’s just part of human nature to have differences of ideas and beliefs between generations. Sometimes these beliefs can drive a wedge between grandparents, parents and children. Each generation may feel a lack of understanding or may find it difficult to communicate during the hustle and bustle of the weekdays. Nick and Ana both work a full week and Saturday is filled with cleaning, shopping and errands. Many family members may work on Saturday. But on Sunday we take a pause. Many people attend religious services and others use the time to sleep in a bit more. This is the perfect time to gather family and friends for a leisurely midday dinner.

While enjoying some good food and drink, lines of communication open more easily. Family
stories are told, vacation plans made, discussions about the latest sports news and hobbies flow.
Music, which thanks to streaming services, is something we can share across the generations.
We take turns listening to current pop, Freestyle, oldies, Italian favorites, big band music, 1960s
girl bands and classic rock. We all find something we like in each genre and we engage in some
good-natured bantering and well-meant criticisms. The point is that we are sharing our ideas and
opinions and have been known to break out into song or maybe dancing the Tarantella!

Perpetuates family traditions and creates memories

Sunday dinners help carry on family traditions, whatever your family’s may have been. These are the traditions I want to pass on to Nick. I grew up with the aromas of tomato sauce simmering and meatballs and sausages frying on Sunday morning. I fondly remember Sunday breakfast usually included a meatball straight out of the frying pan before they were added to the homemade tomato sauce. We went to mass and then to pick up my grandmother so she could join us. My mother was the one in charge of the kitchen. We usually had other guests for dinner but if we didn’t, we ate with our nuclear family and then would visit some aunts and uncles with pastries in hand.

In summer everyone went to Nana’s house (one grandmother was called grandma and the other was called Nana) in the country and there was usually at least twenty of us eating together and laughing amidst the sounds of dishes clinking and pots banging in the background while my aunts were busy getting our dinner on the table. Wherever we were for Sunday dinner it was a long, multi-course repast. We usually began with some antipasto (appetizers), followed by a pasta dish, then out came either the chicken or a roast of some kind. After that, salad was served and later fruit, nuts and cake and pastries. There was always a pot of espresso (or demi-tasse as we called it then) or “American” coffee for those who wanted it. This was the perfect time for the younger family members to hear family lore, eat great traditional food, get to know their cousins and make priceless memories together.

Culturally significant

These days, most families share more than one culture. There is much more intermarriage and Sunday family dinner gives the newer members of the family time and opportunity to share their own culture and traditions. It presents the chance to feel connected to each other through shared experiences and the foods each knows from their own cultural heritage. It may be a good idea to have family members contribute a new dish for others to try and learn about. This strengthens the bonds of family but can also include friends. My parents were known to be very generous with their dinner invitations to friends and sometimes to people they had just met. For example, one Christmas my parents invited an older couple they met at the nursing home where my grandmother lived to our holiday dinner. My mom couldn’t bear the thought of them eating alone and we always had more than enough food for an army. Another time my parents met a woman eating alone at the local pancake house. She was traveling on business. Well, the next afternoon she was at our dinner table and learning about the traditional foods of our family!

Breaking bread (and other goodies)

I mentioned above about some of the foods we enjoy on a Sunday. But Sunday doesn’t need to be an elaborate meal all the time, sometimes it’s just a barbeque served on the patio. While an Italian Sunday dinner is usually at least three courses you can simplify your own Sunday dinner according to what is comfortable to you. On the other hand, holidays are the most elaborate meals, incorporating special traditional foods. For Thanksgiving my husband prepares his special vegetable soup that we enjoy before the turkey. I prepare my mom’s traditional rice stuffing. For Christmas we have homemade stuffed manicotti, rice balls (arancini) and Easter brings Pizza Rustica.

Holiday meals are usually five courses and can last the better part of the day. The most important thing is to gather your tribe and cook the foods that would be appealing to them, while also experimenting at times and expanding the choices. This is especially important with the younger children. This is how they learn about food in general and your own cultural foods and by introducing new things they are growing and developing their own palates. It teaches them to be adventurous and they will then incorporate these ideas into their own lives when they are adults.

My husband enjoys cooking and has his own special dishes he prepares for our family. Nicholas learned to help cook at an early age by chopping vegetables and stirring the soup. He would help stuff a roast and tie it together. When I would make my grandmother’s famous One Egg Cake, Nick was my helper (and eater of the cake). He is now an accomplished cook in his own right.

China, silverware and glassware

Lastly, there is an aspect of family dinners that may not be readily apparent. I have heard from a good number of Boomers lately that their children have no interest in their fine china, silverware and crystal glassware. They say that they are practically giving it away. They are selling it for rock-bottom prices on marketplace sites or just donating it when they are forced to downsize. I believe that because they rarely used the “good stuff” their children have no attachment to these items. My feeling is that if your china, silverware and good glassware are frequently used at your family dinners your children will attach many good memories to these items. They will remind them of you and your dinners together and the happy memories you all created together.

I have stopped “saving” the good stuff for holidays and use them often now. I have beautiful crystal stemware that was hand blown in Venice that for many years just sat in the china cabinet because someone might accidently break them. Now they are used frequently and I tell Nicholas the story of how on our honeymoon we took a vaporetto to the island of Murano (the famous glass-blowing island in Venice) and stumbled into a little shop where we found these glasses.

When we use the beautiful silverware that my grandmother left to me, I explain that to Nicholas and he now looks at it with renewed interest. My china is Lenox that my own mom bought for my husband and I when we got engaged. I would use these for holiday dinners but now I use them more often.

When Ana’s parents stopped over for coffee and cake one day, I pulled out the Lenox dessert dishes with the cups and saucers and set the dining room table. I have always enjoyed setting an elegant table with a tablecloth, napkin rings and gleaming glassware. I just do it more often now. This is something that I want to pass down to the next generation, but if they never see you do this, how will they learn?

You don’t need expensive china, just something pretty that suits your taste. And if you wish to have the nicer items, there are plenty these days in thrift stores for very low prices as the Boomers downsize. I recently bought a very inexpensive set of dishes for the patio, but they are pretty and I have matching placemats and napkins. Taking the extra effort makes dining that much more enjoyable and the younger generations pick up on your example. And if they don’t, you are at least enjoying the
beautiful things that were gifted to you and honoring those who are no longer with you.

Buon Appetito!!